The majority of my day, though, we spent in thought about Ahmaud Arbery's murder, and white supremacy and the role it plays in the country. I wrote a FB post, and tweeted it, and engaged in a conversation with a friend about it. She recommended a documentary that I had been thinking of watching but hadn't yet, and I decided to put off my Alphabet Movie for the day and watch it instead. Thankfully, the two streaming services I downloaded for free through the library, had it, and I was able to immediately download and watch it.
I was struck at how uneducated I still am with dismantling my white supremacy and white privilege. It's going to take the rest of my life, and I don't even really know where to start. I decided to make a list of people to research, books to read, and events to study up on. I have a few books at home now that I dug up, and will start with now, but I'll get more when the libraries reopen.
The documentary uses writings and film footage of James Baldwin to showcase how hypocritical white people, yes, even us lefty liberals, are. Some of the favorite movies we pat ourselves on the back for, are looked at through a white lens, but if you look at it through the eyes of people of color, you see a whole different message. And the patting of our backs when Obama was elected after 400+ years of African Americans being in this country, rings hollow as well. It's accusatory, but mindblowingly so. It's so well done.
We don't see our privilege and often do things for approval and reassurance that we aren't terrible people. We then place that burden on people of color to reassure us that we are definitely not terrible people. This is something we need to stop doing. We dismantle white supremacy because it's the right thing to do, not because it makes us so amazing and way more caring than those other white people.
A couple other points came to me when I watched this. This is something I've discussed with others elsewhere, but this documentary brought it up again. We need to stop with the shock. "What? How is this happening in 2020? This is not America." I'm sorry to tell you, it is America. It's always been America. We might feel shocked and dismayed when we see the constant and continual violence perpetrated by white people on black and brown people in this nation, but we need to keep it to ourselves. Saying these types of things when we hear these stories is actually a microaggression. It forces people of color to prove to us this does in fact still happen. They have to soften the blow and break it to us and our sensitive feelings that yes, they still do have to deal with this. Just accept that this is America, it is 2020, and this still happens on a nearly daily basis, and move on to supporting people of color instead of expecting them to support you.
The other issue we need to deal with is: Ask yourself why it is white people who are the ones who always ask why people bring race into something. Every single time this line is brought into a conversation, it's the white person. What makes you so uncomfortable to know that race does play a role in this world? We need to stop buying into the "I don't see race" thing, because you do see it, and you know it, and you need to just start acknowledging it. Until you acknowledge it, you will never be able to admit that you receive benefits from our white supremacist system just by the mere fact that you have white skin.
By the time the documentary was over, I was feeling really humbled and emotional and I decided to go for my walk to just be in my feelings about it. I was thinking that it's sad that I can go outside on my walk with my mask on the whole time and nobody would think anything of it. Ahmaud Armery was not given that privilege, and I was sort of dedicating my walk to him.
As if to prove my point, something I couldn't have planned better if I'd tried, happened. I had my mask on, and was stepping into the street to start my walk, when a cop car drove by me. There were two cops in the car and I saw them, but they didn't even look at me as they drove past and turned the corner to turn around and park by what turned out to be a second cop car. I stared at both the cars as I walked down the middle of the street, with my mask on, and was completely ignored. Ahmaud Arbery is murdered while out on a run because he was black, and I'm seen as safe and a non-threat, with a mask on, walking in the street, because I'm white. I was outraged. I got to a stopping point before taking out my phone and texting myself this moment to remember, because it matters.
When I got around the corner, another thought came to me that I also emailed to myself. White people need to start noticing these moments. Witnessing how we're overlooked when a person of color would not be overlooked. Ask yourself why you were overlooked, and then start looking around for instances where a person of color isn't overlooked, and ask yourself why. And then start speaking up and speaking out against it. Start telling people. Tweet it, blog it, FB message it. Write to your local newspaper. Vote for candidates who speak out against things like this. Because, we all know nothing will happen in this country until white people are either victimized by it themselves, or have decided they care about it now. It's our job to make white people care about this, but to do that, we have to start with ourselves.
I know I probably annoy people or upset them by constantly talking about racism and white supremacy in this country. I probably sound like a broken record and you think to yourself, "OMG, there she goes again." But I don't care. And I'm not sorry. Every time you're irritated by me bringing it up, just be glad you're merely irritated by talk of it, and not living the effects of actual racism and white supremacy.
And tonight there's news that Ahmaud's murderers have been arrested and I hope that they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and spend the rest of their lives in prison. I will be keeping track of this story. And in the meantime, watch that documentary! It should be mandatory viewing by every white person in this country.
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