STFAH: June 30, 2020

So last night was rough and I only ended up getting half a night's sleep. There are some issues with the new apartment that have come to a head, but we're going to reach out to management to see if we can resolve some of them. We also did some rearranging in the front room that is making some difference too. It just feels a little more spread out than it did before. I also took out two loads of recycling, garbage, and compost, which helped empty the place out too. I also filled and ran the dishwasher.

Working from home was actually pretty steady today. I worked out the stuff with work this week too. I'll go into the office alone on Thursday after my doctor's appointment to process stuff and help with the read/signs that two people will be coming in to do. Then we get to have Friday off, after all. I'm not going into the office tomorrow, so I'm really paring down my bus riding this week, which is good.

Nothing terribly exciting happened outside of some communication with my sister about where we see ourselves in a few years. We feel the time has come to start purposefully saving money for a house. We both have a good start, we just need to keep working on it. I've never really contemplated home ownership before because I've never been in a position to afford it, but I can see how it might work in a few years. This pandemic is ruining any hopes of a vacation in the next several years, so we might as well stockpile any money saved up and use it for a downpayment on a house. I mean, only time will tell, but nothing will happen if I do nothing, right?

Tomorrow if I can muster the energy and creativity, I might work on editing my book during slow times. If I could be successful with my book one day, that would definitely help in the home ownership department!

Today I Went to Work: June 29, 2020

Today turned into nearly a full day at the office. Thankfully I had tv dinners I stashed in the freezer cuz there's only the Starbucks downstairs in the building now. Then I came home and had another visual migraine, which is super not fun, but not as bad as the headache kind. There's some stuff that came up and some misunderstandings that I need to sort out tomorrow but my day off on Friday may not end up happening after all. I guess I shouldn't be disappointed since I've had so much good stuff with work paying me during this time, but I'm still a little disappointed. I actually had some plans, but I guess I can rearrange them. It'll all work out, in the end.

My parents stopped by briefly to pick up some items we needed to get rid of, so that was nice. We watched our episode of Stranger Things for the day and did another episode of the new Charmed, but my sister isn't feeling the new show, so I'll probably keep watching on my own. The jury is still out for me too, but I'm curious to keep trying. Now, we switched to The Great British Baking Show, and I'll probably watch some Highway To Heaven before bed.

I started rereading ElfQuest last night, always a fun one. It'll be a good summertime read before bed this season.

STFAH: June 28, 2020

Today was a suuuuuper lazy Sunday. I slept in. Did two loads of laundry, and didn't even leave the apartment. Made tacos for lunch and nachos too cuz why not and then was too full for dinner but I'm getting a bit hungry again so I might raid the fridge soon.

We did three episodes of season two of Stranger Things and then switched over to Charmed. We finished out the series and then tried the first episode of the new Charmed. I'm finally ready to give it a try and Netflix has both seasons available. It's definitely got potential so I'm gonna keep going with it. Now it's Highway to Heaven till bedtime.

This morning I finished reading the Baby-Sitter's Club book I'd been reading to destress, and I have decided that since it's been a long time since I did so, and it's summertime in a pandemic, that it is time for an ElfQuest reread. I pulled out volume 1 to start tonight. So excited!

Tomorrow's an office day, so it feels like a proper Sunday night, which is nice. Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep tonight for work tomorrow!

STFAH: June 27, 2020

Today was about procuring and eating as many carbs as humanly possible. We drove to the Wedgewood neighborhood and got some doughnuts from Top Pot and as we were leaving we noticed a bakery directly across the street called The Greatful Bread, so we had no choice but to go and check it out. A sesame bagel, giant peanut butter cookie, and a ham and cheddar croissant later, I was set to come back home for breakfast!

In order to stay on track for our 4th of July season 3 Stranger Things marathon next week, we had to watch three episodes today, which meant we finished out season one today. It's always so exciting! My bff that I usually visit every other Saturday and I have a blog we co-run called Spoilers where we watch shows and then post pictures and quotes from each episode. She's been watching the episodes at her place along with me and we've been doing the pictures and quotes from our own homes. It's been a fun experiment and it might be how we have to keep doing this for some time to come depending on how long the pandemic lasts.

My sister needed a new monitor for her new hard drive, and since there were a few other things we weren't able to get at the grocery store last night, we ran out to Fred Meyer this afternoon. Two grocery stores are out of Jiffy Pop!! I guess everybody else wants that right now, or something...Anyway, we also ordered pizzas from Papa Murphy's because the weather is so cool today we could use the oven. We had some extra time after the store before picking up our pizzas so we drove around a bit and ended up at a Walgreens where I bought some more junk food.

The pizza was sooo good. It's always good, but I swear it was the best I've ever had tonight. Sudoku puzzles, working on our Spoilers posts, and Charmed reruns tonight. Oh, I did do one chore at least: I filled and ran the dishwasher. But I did most of the chores yesterday so I don't feel too bad. I'll do laundry tomorrow.

STFAH: June 26, 2020

Today I worked from home and it was a mixed bag. When it was slow, it was sllllloooooowwww, and I got some chores done like dusting and vacuuming, taking out garbage and recycling, and getting the dishes caught up. But when it was busy, it was suuuper busy and I could hardly think straight! The day went pretty fast, which is all you can really hope for these days. I do like having the chores done before the weekend. I'm going to have to keep that up on non-office Fridays.

One of the things I did on my lunch break is something I have been putting off for a very long time, but finally feel ready to try again. I read Roots when I was 15, and I think again some years ago too. But I haven't read it since getting my DNA test results and confirming that, even on a small level, I have a family line that possibly has an origin story like the one depicted in the book. I've only ever been an outsider looking in when watching the miniseries or reading the book, never somebody contemplating their own history. It's different now, and it's taken some mental gearing up to do this. But I have to acknowledge this part of my family history, even though it's extremely painful. Because I'm white, I have the choice to ignore that part of my DNA, or not. I feel that it would be the ultimate act of white supremacy to ignore that part of me, so that means embracing it fully, including the painful parts. Black people live every day with the pain of the history of slavery inside them, they don't get to choose to ignore it or not, and so I cannot either. I will embrace whatever pain I feel from re-reading the book, and finding the miniseries some day to watch again as well. No more hiding.

We decided to juggle our schedule a bit and do our grocery shopping and Taco del Mar tonight instead of tomorrow. Tomorrow is doughnut day. Another trip to Top Pot. Sometimes you just gotta have doughnuts...! We just finished our episode of Stranger Things and will be doing our annual viewing of A Goofy Movie next! We usually try to watch that around the end of the school year, but that didn't really happen this year, so it's today. We just decided!

Today I Went to Work: June 25, 2020

Today was a busy busy day! Went into the office for a while but left early enough to get home and showered in time to log in to the front desk at 2 and also to the transcripts desk and had quite a busy time of it! I am so tired. I'll sleep well tonight!

Not much of interest happened today. I made chicken curry and rice for dinner, which was nice. I got the clean dishes put away and the dirty dishes rinsed and put in the dishwasher. I didn't have time to do my antiracism reading or do any other chores. My back is sore from my new chair. It's funny how a chair that supports my back better is hurting my back while I adjust to it!

Watched the next episode of Stranger Things, and now onto Charmed. Highway to Heaven before bed. Maybe popcorn later. We'll see.

STFAH: June 24, 2020

Another day of working at home and it wasn't as busy with work so I did a lot of housework. I did a thorough cleaning of my bathroom, took out garbage/compost/recycling, and finished setting up the fan which has been on all afternoon and is lovely! I did a chapter of my antiracism book, and later in the afternoon, my chair arrived so I dragged it upstairs and set it up. I was really excited because it wasn't too difficult to set up and it seems to be supporting my back better so far. It has a head rest which is really nice!

First picture is a back view, second is from the side. I am calling it my Stormtrooper chair because that's obviously what it is!

I did a load of by-hand dishes and a load in the dishwasher, swept the kitchen floor, switched out towels, and bleach wiped every handle in the house, as well today. It doesn't sound like much, but I woke up tired and I am beat! I go into the office tomorrow and hopefully I'll sleep well tonight.

Leftover tacos for dinner, thawing chicken for tomorrow's curry and rice dinner. Watching the 3rd episode of Stranger Things and I always feel a bit miffed that they use a cover of Heroes instead of David Bowie's original. It's torture to only watch one episode a day!!

STFAH: June 23, 2020

I worked from home today. Four transcripts and covering the front desk from 2-5 was crazy busy! I haven't had a busy day like this since before the pandemic and I loved every minute of it! There was some down time and I was able to prep a cantaloupe and a can of olives for our taco dinner. I wrapped and froze all the hotdog and hamburger buns and bread we bought at Grocery Outlet this weekend. I did another day in my Me and Antiracism work book. I put away the laundry and several things in my bedroom that needed to be organized. I put up the summer decorations, and even attempted to put together our new fan. It didn't work and it's still not assembled, but I might try again tomorrow...

On my lunch hour, I thought it would be smart to go out and do a walk since it was likely to get really hot by the afternoon. I was wrong! It was sweltering and I was sweaty by the time I was done, and now the wind and clouds have rolled in and it's much cooler. Go figure! I forgot I pulled a calf muscle too until I was too far into the walk, but it was the effort that matters. I need to find stretching routines to watch and try beyond just the stuff for my back and shoulders.

I came back from the walk and read on my bed for a while until my lunch hour was over. I'll be working from home again tomorrow and maybe I'll try some editing for my book in the off time. Hallmark channel was not coming in clearly today so I channel flipped and ended up on PBS for the afternoon. I need to keep that in mind, it's pretty nice!

We watched the second episode of season one of Stranger Things tonight before switching over to Charmed. We're gonna finish out season seven of that today. My new chair is due to arrive tomorrow. Hopefully back pain relief is on the way!

Today I Went to Work: 6/22/2020

Today was an office day. There was quite a few transcripts to finish up, though there wasn't a lot of new stuff. I brought plenty of food and ended up eating most of it and did much better through the day.

Today consisted of a bit of an adventure when my coworker and I took a box of transcripts several blocks away to a law firm that always has somebody there. We have so many transcripts lying around now and we got rid of a ton of them today! Our plan was to get Starbucks on the way back in when we realized neither of us had thought to take our building key card with us so we were locked out! Fortunately, we found a back way to sneak in so we were saved! Then we got our Starbucks and went back to work for another hour and a half or so. I made it home and showered in time to log into the front desk for about an hour and 15 minutes before the day ended.

Leftover pork roast for dinner tonight was so delicious and I have chicken thawing to make tacos for tomorrow and Wednesday's dinners.

Our grand plan is to have our second annual Stranger Things season 3 marathon on the 4th of July, so to get caught up to that point, we started season one today. One episode a day except on the weekends when we'll watch a couple extra. It's always such a fun show to watch! Now we're back to Charmed for the rest of the evening, except until I switch over to Highway to Heaven before bed.

STFAH: June 21, 2020

Today felt like a normal Sunday, for the first time in a really long time. I relaxed and did sudoku puzzles while watching Charmed, but I also did laundry, took out the garbage, compost, and recycling, and made a fantastic pork roast dinner as well.

The plan was to make a pork roast dinner for dinner tonight. I wanted to experiment with the Dutch oven and cook it on the stovetop the whole time instead of use the oven since we're now into summer and I try to avoid the oven as much as possible from now till pretty much, October. I decided we could do a "Sunday dinner" where it was the midday meal and my sister loved that idea so I made it all much earlier in the day. I think it helped keep the place from getting too warm. And it turns out that pork roast in the Dutch oven on the stove the whole time makes a phenomenal pork roast. It's essentially how my mom made pot roast, but with pork. This might be the new way I make it from now on, it was so good! I can't wait for leftovers tomorrow night.

Tomorrow is an office day and depending on when I get home, I'll log in at home when I get back too, till 5pm. I always take a shower after I get home from an office day before I do anything else because of the bus and exposure to too many people downtown. but usually I still have some time after that before 5pm hits. It's nice to have structure in my life again. Something to build my day around, even if it's not exciting or as busy as a normal work day was, it's still more than I've had since I moved in March. I can build a healthy life around this, and I'm very happy about that!

White Supremacy, A Collective

A message for all white people getting involved in antiracism work and feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to deal with it. Before you give up out of frustration, please consider this. Our own whiteness is actually causing us to hear the message wrong. We're told that this is “our” problem to fix, “our” problem cuz we created it, and I don't know about you, but when I hear this, I hear: "This is entirely on you Summer, and if you don't resolve it, you're a failure, and a racist." That's possibly an unfair level of pressure to put on myself, but admit to yourself, you’ve thought this too, haven’t you? Why are we placing this level of pressure on ourselves to singlehandedly resolve a 400+ year old problem? It’s literally not possible for any one of us to resolve.

Allow me to offer an alternative idea. What do white people get to do that people of color don’t? There are so many things that could answer that question, so I’ll just go ahead and give you the answer for this particular instance: Be individuals. We aren't a collective or a community, right? Each of us white people is our own unique self, a special snowflake. We’ve always been individuals, never having to represent our people as a whole. So we hear that message, “It’s our problem, you fix it,” which is aimed at white people as a collective, but we hear it as an individual call to action. Even in our efforts to dismantle white supremacy, our own white supremacy causes us to not even hear the message right. It's not on me solely, or on you solely, it's on the white collective.

For any Star Trek fans out there, let me put it this way, we never realized it, but we white people were the Borg all along...the collective we feared, who chewed up other people and forcing them to assimilate to our ways. It’s actually time we started seeing ourselves as a part of this collective, and use it to dismantle white supremacy. Yes, we still need to work on it within ourselves, but we ultimately must work together, as a whole, to dismantle it on a national, systemic level. So, to all the racists and white supremacists who don’t want a world of equity, equality, and no supremacy of any sort, I say: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated…

STFAH: June 20, 2020

Pillow update: I tried my new pillow last night and of course it needs more time to be sure, but I think it might be the one. My neck and arms were well positioned and my head felt like it was floating with a few points in the pillow actually supporting it. I got over 8 hours of sleep last night and have no back pain today. Relief, at last!

We started the day with a trip to Grocery Outlet and Fred Meyer and got some great stuff to look forward to. I needed more fruit and veggies, so that's been taken care of till next weekend when it'll be the real shopping trip.

My parents came by after that to help my sister with her chair. It needed some readjusting after the move and she was getting it set up for her new computer. I wasn't able to help, but my dad did!

An afternoon of Charmed reruns ensued, followed by a brief walk to our local teriyaki shop to pick up dinner. I have leftovers for a few days to come now! I'm thawing out a pork roast to make for tomorrow's dinner, complete with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy. It'll be nice to have leftovers to come home to on Monday when I go into the office.

My sister and I are planning a Stranger Things marathon for 4th of July again like last year when season 3 premiered, so we need to start the other two seasons soon to make sure we're ready by the 4th cuz that's actually only a couple(ish) weeks out now!! Where is the time going? Isn't it still March???!!!

I spent a significant chunk of time this afternoon and evening looking for new chairs for my desk and a lounge chair for my bedroom in hopes of continuing to improve my back health. My desk chair has been problematic since I got it and I knew it wasn't the one for me. The one I settled on has a better back support and a head rest which is super important for my neck. It also reclines so when I'm wanting to relax more in the evening, this may allow me to. I'll make sure to take pictures and write about it when it shows up.

STFAH: Juneteenth, 2020

Today I worked from home! I processed 4 transcripts and wrote extensive notes so when I go into the office on Monday I'll be able to finish them out and make sure I get all the "to do" items, done. It wasn't terribly busy, though, and I was able to do a load of dishes, sweep, and vacuum. That was really nice. I was up early enough to start my day with a free workout video on Xfinity. I found a 15 minute walking video I think I'm going to make a staple at least till I'm ready to expand it. I found it very effective but didn't leave me too wiped out, either.

One of the things I've been doing throughout this week, kind of randomly, is cleaning out our fridge. We've been keeping it so out of control stocked through the pandemic out of fear of shortages, but those have never really come to pass, so now we can start buying less amounts of food when we shop now. But the fridge looks really good! I like a sparse, open fridge. I love it!

I had another visual aura migraine today but I used a break time period to lie down and rest my eyes with my eye mask on to darken the room even more and it was gone after 15 minutes. That's another thing I can't do at the office!

Today is Juneteenth, and it's a holiday I've thought about every year since finding out my DNA results and embracing my Black ancestry. I've never partaken or celebrated, I'm white after all, it's not my holiday, but every year I do find myself locked into a feeling of contemplation and need to educate myself on the day. Here's what I have come to think about it this year: Today, as a white person with some Black ancestry that I openly acknowledge, I think of my Black ancestors who never knew freedom. My ancestors were passing for white by the time of the Civil War, and as a white person, Juneteenth isn't my holiday. But today, inevitably, makes my heart and soul think of those further back ancestors. It makes my motive for fighting to dismantle white supremacy that much stronger. They are always in my heart and mind.

Tonight we dropped off stuff at our parents' house for extended family birthdays that they'll deliver for us, and to give dad our Father's Day present. We always get him coffee for all his gifts, and I had wanted to order some from a Black-owned business, but honestly, I thought I had an extra week and I ran out of time...Maybe for Christmas!

Grocery Outlet and teriyaki lunch tomorrow, if all works out as planned. Taco Time and Charmed tonight. Fun times.

Today I Went to Work: June 18, 2020

Today I managed to go to the office just fine and we worked till around 1:30pm. I am sooooo exhausted now. I needed about an hour more sleep last night but I'm also physically drained too. I just need to keep working on my sleep. While at the office, I picked up a work laptop all set up for me to remote in at home so I can work from home. I tested it tonight and it works so as of tomorrow, I will be taking my job back so my coworkers don't have to juggle it along with their own!

I'm excited to "earn my keep" again but also be in a better position to work on house/life/health/work balance. Less commuting each week will hopefully motivate me to sleep sooner at night because I don't feel like I need to make up for almost 2 hours each day of commute time by staying up late. I can get household stuff done and on my lunch hour I can do my outdoor walk. I can use the treadmill. I can edit my book. There's just so much stuff I can do now while straddling work. Hopefully it'll work out great cuz we're talking about keeping it permanent even when the pandemic ends. Go into the office as-needed, 2(ish) times a week, get stuff ready for mailing and printing things that need to be printed. I might be able to not get a bus pass each month but put cash on my card so I don't spend as much on bus fare each month, once they start charging again. And then on weekends, it makes me more adventurous and likely to get out of the house for fun times!

But for now, I'm going to sleep, hopefully very well tonight. I tried putting a pillow under my legs and noticed it really helped realign my neck and back. That's easy enough to do, so I see no reason to stop doing that. My new pillow is on the way. Hopefully the tennis balls are too. My back got overworked at work today and where it had been hurting earlier, it was almost numb. I had to stretch it out to get it to bounce back to normal.

I need to start carrying a sturdier bag when I go into the office because I'm going to start taking more stuff home from work since I'll be here more and more. Tea, food, etc. I haven't decided about decorations yet. It would just sit in a bag at home gathering dust, so I guess I should keep it there to look at on the days I'm in the office. But this is going to really make me rethink how I do food and meals now that I don't have to account for a commute and less stress of just not being in the office. I'll have to experiment for a while I guess.

STFAH: June 17, 2020

So, last night I slept even better and even had a dream! I think that's a good, healthy sign. I was hungry today and since one of the things I'm trying to do is establish a normal routine, I ate breakfast. Typically I haven't had much of an appetite till about 1pm, so I haven't forced myself to eat. But that's really not normal for me on work days so I'm going to force it. It doesn't have to be as heavy as the overnight oats I eat on weekdays, but a bowl of cereal should do. I was even hungry for a snack before lunch so I had some cherries, yogurt, and crackers. My appetite has definitely returned, which is another good sign.

Today I made a choice to experiment by keeping the Hallmark channel on all day. It wasn't too bad. During this week of mental-health-realignment, as I'm calling it, I thought that would be a good choice for low-stress tv enjoyment. I did my stretches and a few chores like taking out garbage/recycling, which took two trips, and my sister wanted me to do a couple chores for her which were simple but still gave me something I had to do as an obligation. I told her that was actually really helpful and she should keep thinking of stuff like that for me to help her with. Since I'm home more, it makes sense that I should do more of the domestic stuff.

I worked from home for the first time this afternoon. It's definitely a learning curve, but my boss is shadowing me the whole time so he's able to make sure I'm doing stuff the right way. It was slow at first but picked up about halfway through and then time just flew by. That was really nice! It'll be nice again, to have something I'm committed to for part of the day. It started off with what I think was a visual migraine. No real pain, but tenderness, light sensitivity, and seeing sparkling lights around the edges of my eyes. I took some of the tylenol with caffeine which always seems to work, and it went away after about 15 minutes. It was freaky. But it turns out stress can trigger migraines, so I'm not shocked that I'm having residual issues.

Other stuff I did today were things I've been putting off cuz I just didn't feel like it. I cleaned off the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room, and put up the rest of the magnets on the freezer that have been sitting on the top since we moved in. Little things, but it gets me off my feet for a while.

I ordered a set of tennis balls for my back, and a new pillow to try out for my neck/back. It looks like the kind I used to have good luck with, but it's a different brand. It wasn't too expensive, under $30, so not too bad.

I'm going to try to go into the office tomorrow, and hopefully it'll work out ok.

STFAH: June 16, 2020

I managed to sleep finally last night but it was interrupted and filled with what I would describe as "fever dreams," so it wasn't as restful as I'd hoped it would be. It was pain-free, though, so that was good. I got up at my normal time and went about my normal morning routine. I changed some things though. Sitting in my sister's chair is more comfortable for my back so I spent a lot of time there when I was watching tv. And I took a 2 hour nap that was truly sleep and felt glorious!

I talked and texted with my parents a bit too, filling them in on what's going on right now. It's important to let others know what you're going through.

I finished watching Good Witch on Netflix but the first three episodes of the new season are not available via On Demand so I'll have to wait for them all to air and they get added to Netflix to watch it. I decided to start with Highway to Heaven, which is a great show. My sister suggested I take a bit of a social media break and watch light shows and read light books for a while, and I think she might be onto something.

One of the things I did today which I haven't really done except maybe with a sad movie, since the pandemic began, is cry. It only lasted a few minutes but it felt so cathartic. I need to honor my feelings more and ignore them less.

I'm still not up to regular meals yet, but managed some French fries with lunch. The chicken strip, not so much. Dinner was peanut butter on bread, carrot sticks, and cherries. I only managed half the bread, but I kept it all down, so that's the important thing.

I texted with my boss and Thursday is the soonest we'd go to the office again, and I should be ok enough by then. We're going to work tomorrow to get me set up with the internet stuff so I can cover the afternoons, which will help me feel productive at work each day. We'll see how it all goes!

I'm going to aim for 9 or 10 for bedtime tonight. 10pm needs to become my new normal, eventually, but I might need another early night tonight.

We have some chores set up for me to do tomorrow. Taking out compost/garbage/recycling, and Erin has a baking project she wants done, and I've been having problems finding the motivation to bake, so doing stuff she wants should help. It's hard to bake when you can't share it with others, so if she can take it to share with her coworkers, that should work out. I want to get back into baking and cooking more, and having people to share it with will make that easier!

STFAH: June 15, 2020

Today was a rough day. I didn't sleep at all, literally, not figuratively, last night from the shoulder pain and I ended up feeling too sick to go in to the office this morning. I found a bunch of youtube videos with stretches and tried them and they're working. I was able to lie in bed without pain for the first time in several days. I kept trying to take naps but it wasn't till about 4:30 that I actually managed to get about an hour's sleep.

I thought I was fine with the changes from the pandemic, but it's taking a toll on me. I think this is rock bottom for me and now I'm going to keep working on solutions to these issues that are creeping up seemingly out of nowhere. I think I'm going to go to bed really early tonight and if I'm lucky, I'll finally sleep through the night.

Check in on the "strong ones" during this time too. We often don't see how this is affecting us until it's out of control. Hopefully now that I recognize the issues, I'll be able to deal with them better.

STFAH: June 14, 2020

So I've been having problems sleeping lately. I've had a lot of neck, back, and arm pain, and what feels like muscle weakness and it's been keeping me up at night and waking me up in the middle of the night or early in the morning and I can't get back to sleep. I'm exhausted and really drained right now, and it was making me feel a little panicky because the pain feels out of control. While I still think part of it is the pillow situation, and I am working on that, I finally started googling what else could be happening, and it turns out that sitting around my house for the last three months during this pandemic, recovering from a sprained ankle, and doing very little in the way of exercising has caused my muscles to actually start atrophying. I'm feeling weakness because I literally cannot lift and carry what I used to be able to. And then I started back in at work a couple weeks ago and am carrying stuff on the walk to/from the bus and it's in a bag carried over one shoulder, not a backpack over both my shoulders. So when I realized that could be what was happening, I was able to define the pain better. It feels like after you strain your muscles when you work in the garden all day or after you lift a bunch of boxes, etc. As painful as it will be for a while, I have to come up with a better routine and start doing more exercising than I have been doing. My foot and knees are recovered enough that I think I can start using the treadmill which allows me to go faster in a more controlled manner than my outside walks.

I made a list of stuff to add to my routine based on days I go to work and days I don't. I'm hopeful that I'll start seeing an improvement soon. I guess I shouldn't be shocked by this, but I didn't see how bad I was getting until it was out of control. None of us has lived through a pandemic before, so it's not easy to know what you need to do. I'm going to take some ibuprofen tonight before bed and hopefully I'll sleep through the night. I go into the office tomorrow so I would like to be rested!

Charmed reruns, sudoku puzzles, taking out compost/garbage, doing the laundry, and making a homemade pizza filled out the rest of my day.

STFAH: June 13, 2020

Today was a full day. We went to my cousin's house to drop off some stuff and ended up staying a couple hours talking about the family civil war and just dealing with our emotions from it. We all wore masks, all the doors were open so the room was very well-ventilated, and we all sat at least 6 feet apart from each other. Normally we wouldn't try something like that, but sometimes you just have to to deal with stuff. This was one of those times. I really miss seeing my family during this pandemic! We might try an outdoor social distancing backyard gathering this summer where we bring our own food and stay far apart from each other.

Next was a trip to Central Market to get some stuff. I needed some bulk items I usually get there and was curious to see if they're still doing bulk things. They are, but its all prepackaged now. It still saves a lot of money so I stocked up on the stuff I needed and got a few other goodies for fun too. It was our first trip there since we moved and the pandemic started.

Then we stopped by our parents' house to drop off and pick up some stuff and we talked a little more about the family drama from this week. I loaned them my copy of White Fragility because I think both of them would get a lot from the book. I know they're ready for this, and it's a great way to get started. I highly recommend the book to all white people trying to figure all this antiracism work out.

After that, we did the rest of our shopping at Safeway. It took two trips to bring everything back up from the car! We also picked up a very late lunch/early dinner from Taco Time. Once lunch was over, I showered, which is necessary after so many stops and interactions with people. It's nice to have my mask off for a while today!!

We watched The Reluctant Dragon for our Disney rewatch and are now settled in for an evening of Charmed reruns and listening to the pouring down rain!! It's quieted down but it was so loud for a while! We had to pause our show and close all the windows because the rain was getting inside!

STFAH: June 12, 2020

Today started later than I'd intended but I had some sleeping issues last night from my neck/shoulder pain. I switched to my roll pillow and I immediately noticed a difference, so I spent a little time looking for a better roll pillow to order that will be sturdier than the decorative one I currently have. But it's hopeful that just that did make a bit of a difference.

Today was the general strike in our state and I had planned on maybe making a sign and just walking around my neighborhood since I didn't plan on joining in the main protest downtown, but my late start wasn't conducive to that. And I called my mom to touch base after all the stuff that happened this week with the family and ended up on the phone with her for about an hour and a half which is huge for me, not being a phone person. We talked a lot about racism and white privilege in this country and how far we all have to go. She's further along in all this than I realized, which is great. I'm going to loan my parents my copy of White Fragility because I think they'd both get a lot out of it.

By the time I was done on the phone it was after noon and I was pretty drained, so we just watched stuff on Netflix to educate ourselves. We watched a documentary called Teach Us All and it was really eye-opening about how our education system works and favors white people, though that's not at all shocking. We also watched 13th, a rewatch for me, a first for my sister. It's well worth multiple viewings, though. There is so much that needs fixing in this nation...And we watched a Trevor Noah comedy special that dealt with racism, but with humor. It was hilarious! Then we switched to Disney+ and rewatched The Color of Friendship, which I highly recommend for anybody who hasn't seen it before or hasn't seen it in forever. It's pretty progressive for Disney when they made it. It's progressive still, actually.

Now it's time for dinner and some winding-down tv before heading to bed. Not a big day for accomplishments, though I did fill and run the dishwasher, and talked to my boss for a bit on the phone for how work is going and some ideas for going forward. It's all going to work out great, I think.

No big plans for the weekend. Gonna drop some stuff off at my cousin's tomorrow and do our grocery shopping and I might do some baking/cooking, but no big adventures.

Today I Went to Work: June 11, 2020

Today was a work day, and this time I made sure to eat a lunch halfway through and did muuuuch better! We talked about me taking on some stuff in the afternoons on days I'm not in the office to feel like I'm contributing a bit more, which would be really nice! Some day down the line, I might get set up with a laptop so I can work remotely, but that probably won't be for several months, if I had to wager a guess.

I had to wait longer for a bus this morning but less of a wait this afternoon, so that was nice. I got to work on time anyway. We're not coming in tomorrow so we don't have to deal with the traffic from the general strike. I don't plan to join in the main march, but I might make another sign and walk through my neighborhood for a bit of time. I also plan to read some more of Me and White Supremacy, and see what stuff I can find to watch that might be helpful/educational. It's not supposed to be a day off, it's a day to do antiracism work.

Today I got home early enough to turn around and do a walk. I've been having a lot of pains in my upper arms, shoulder, and neck area lately, and walking seems to make it worse, the swinging my arms back and forth I think makes it worse. I need a new pillow because my neck has been messed up for a while, but I don't know what kind is best. The brand I was using and had success with, changed their formula and now it doesn't work for me anymore. But it was a nice day out this afternoon, I love how blue the sky is on beautiful days. Here's today's picture:

There are signs around the city that they made with local artists and I think they're all so cool! There's another one at the end of my walk that I'll try to capture soon.

Tonight's dinner was Azteca. I got a tamale and a burrito platter and sadly the tamale that was supposed to be chicken, was beef, which I don't eat. But I ate the corn part around it and it was tasty and filling enough. I have some of the burrito left for breakfast tomorrow! I have missed Azteca over the years and I'm really glad we tried it out again finally! Ice cream for dessert. Delicious!

STFAH: June 10, 2020

Following up with people after last night's family drama was a big part of my day today. Just checking in, seeing that everybody is ok. We're all over the place, apparently. I'm kind of over it. I won't be changing my beliefs, so I'll just continue on, as I've been doing as I've been doing. It's not helping with my daily anxiety attack I've gotten since the pandemic started.

Golden Girls and another section of Me and White Supremacy started off the day. I'm not the best on the phone, but I got over my nerves and called the pharmacy today to check in on the prescriptions. They were ready and I got them set up to be filled. Now I'm in their system and ready to go in the future for all my prescription needs! And pretty much immediately after getting off the phone, the doctor's office finally followed up with the email to let me know they'd sent in the prescription. Better late than never, I guess!

I watched some random Tom Hiddleston interviews on the big screen youtube today. Then I switched over and watched the two episodes of Council of Dads I needed to catch up with. It's seriously an amazing show and everybody should be watching it! Tonight is Agents of SHIELD, but since I'm going into the office again tomorrow, I might wait and watch it On Demand later this week/weekend.

On my afternoon walk, I went to the drug store and got the prescriptions. A month of each, which will definitely last till my appointment in July, so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I did get a picture on my walk. This is one I've wanted for a while.

Stenciled bird spray-painted onto the side of a mail box. There's a matching one on the other side too.

Dinner tonight was freezer food. Trader Joe's Indian food. It was ok. A bit spicy. Filled my stomach, which is what really matters, and cleared out more space in the freezer. Tomorrow will probably be more freezer food.

I really lead quite a boring life to have so many people upset with me!

Today I Went to Work: June 9, 2020

Today I went to work again and the day just flies by when there's stuff to do! I do need to take the time to eat lunch though, because the days are going longer than expected and the bus wait to get home is long, so I was out of control hungry when I got home this evening.

The day was fine, dinner was delish, and the evening was going just fine until the family texts started pouring in announcing that apparently I and some of the younger generation in our family are essentially being disowned by some of our other family members who are upset at our stance on Black Lives Matter and dismantling white supremacy. I love my family, and I want them to be happy and to feel welcome and loved by them. But I cannot back down on this issue. This change in our country is 400 years overdue and it's more important than any single one of us or family peace. I will continue to fight for what's right, even if it makes for lonelier Thanksgivings and Christmases.

And on that note, I did day two of Me and White Supremacy and wrote about the questions at the end of the section. I don't go into the office again till Thursday most likely, so I'll keep doing one section a day.

I'm still trying to get in touch with my doctor's office as my omeprazole runs out on Friday and I have no more refills. It's definitely too long to wait from Friday to July 2nd to get the refill when I go in to see the doctor without getting a small set to tide me over. Unfortunately, the over the counter version is not good at all and does nothing to help my acid reflux.

I might try to edit a chapter a bit tomorrow. It might provide a good distraction right now.

STFAH: June 8, 2020

Today felt like I had an actual day. I accomplished some stuff, which was really nice. I started my day with The Golden Girls, and then I sat and did the first day's reading of Me and White Supremacy, and answered the questions at the end of the section. Then I put together our new vacuum, used it, and it's awesome! It's lightweight and easy to use, and doesn't blow dust all over the place! I cleaned my bathroom, the kitchen, and took out the compost, garbage, and recycling. Washed the by-hand dishes. I emailed my doctor about getting some small amounts of meds to cover the time when I run out and when I actually get to see her for my annual checkup to get the annual refills. I don't want to lapse on my meds! I was able to cross off my entire to-do list today!

I was craving tuna sandwiches, so I made tuna for the first time since moving and it was delicious! I pulled up Tom Hiddleston's Coriolanus on youtube on the tv and watched it as my movie today. As with most Shakespeare stuff, I only half understood it, but I'm not familiar with the play prior to this, so that doesn't help either. But there's a zoom-watch special that goes with it so I might watch it to see if I can glean anything from it besides just enjoying watching Tom Hiddleston...!

After the play ended, I did my walk and took more pictures of signs people are putting up around the neighborhood in solidarity with Black Lives Matter. I love all of them and this neighborhood!

The last one, unless I was looking in the wrong place, was gone by the time I turned around to come back. Nobody out there on my walk looked like the type of jerkface who would rip down a sign, and all the other ones were still fine. However, you will note how not-well tape it is, and it got suuuuuper windy on the walk back. So, it's entirely possible it got blown away in the wind. I'll go with that because it makes me feel better.

Dinner tonight was a traditional pork chop meal and since I was silly and only thawed out two pork chops, we'll have to have something else to go with the leftover potatoes and gravy for tomorrow's dinner. I am going to work tomorrow so it's nice to have most of my dinner ready to go whenever I get home from work. I have no idea how long a day I'll have there, but it'll still be nice. I'm not allowed to go to the Pike Place Market this time. I will spend all my money there if I go too often! Besides, I still need to practice social distancing as much as possible, so maybe once a month for the market is ok.

Charmed reruns tonight. Doing a load of dishes. Nice cool breeze coming into the apartment tonight, feels like it wants to rain...

STFAH: June 7, 2020

Today was a pretty lazy day. I got up at a more reasonable time: 8:30am. I got a few low-effort chores done. A couple loads of laundry. Cleaned out all the post-edible food in the fridge. I wrote up a to-do list for tomorrow to focus on.

The big highlight of the day was starting season 15 of Supernatural on Netflix after they added at least some of the final season. They had to shut down filming cuz of the pandemic so there are still some missing episodes, and the finale hasn't aired yet. My hope is to be caught up so that I can watch the finale live with the rest of the world whenever they're able to go back and finish filming it!

I worked on some more sudoku puzzles from my book while watching. I've made it to the "demanding" section and they are definitely quite a challenge!

My tummy's a bit unhappy with me tonight, so crackers and noodle soup, my go-to upset stomach dinner is my dinner tonight.

Nothing terribly important to touch on today, just a lounge-about day!

STFAH: June 6, 2020

I think I'll do the naming convention like this from now on for non-work days. On work days maybe I'll come up with an alternate title...

I was so wiped out from yesterday I ended up sleeping in till about 11 this morning! I don't know what's wrong with me because I'm super tired again already. I'll definitely sleep well tonight.

Today was errands when we finally got up and running. Picked up some stuff at my parents' house, filled the car with gas, went to Walgreens where I finally got my white chocolate peanut M&M's, essentials, and other junk food. Then it was off to Taco del Mar where we found out they've been running just like normal all this time. Their social media is confusing because it makes it sound like all you can do it order it through delivery companies, which is not the case. Then it was next door to pick up some ice cream from Baskin Robbins. Then home to eat all of said food.

We watched the live-action Dumbo while we ate, and it turned out to be as traumatizing as the original animated version, though I did love the ending. Kinda gross-sobbed through it, but it was good. Then we switched over to Fuller House cuz they put up the last half of the last season the other day. We tried to find the movie Just Mercy that is apparently available free this month on all streaming services, but I couldn't find it on Netflix even though it says it's there. Not sure what's going on with that, but I did want to try it this weekend if I could find it. It's not on Hoopla or Kanopy either. We'll try some of the stuff on our Roku and see if we can find it somewhere...

We decided on a pork chop meal for Monday so I took some chops out of the freezer today to start thawing. I got the dishes and sink under control in the kitchen. And that's really about it. Nothing exciting or terribly meaningful today. I'm just so tired still. Hopefully I'll snap out of it with more sleep tonight...

STFAH: Or Did I?

Today I went to work! I worked from about 9am to about 2pm when we ran out of stuff to do. My brain is mush and I am exhausted!

The bus to work ended up just fine. I rode the 522 for the first time and it was spacious and empty enough to feel safe. I wore an N95 mask, cotton gloves, and my jacket with the hood up. I bought replacement bags that are washable for the stuff that would normally go in my backpack, but since that's not easily washable, I don't want to use it on the bus during the pandemic. The bus is new for me since moving to a new neighborhood and drops me off way closer to my work. I have a bit more of a walk from the apartment to the bus stop here, but that's ok.

The first part of the morning was spent catching up with my coworkers. It was the middle of March since I'd seen either of them. I ate my usual work breakfast of overnight oats with walnuts, very exciting. I remembered how to do stuff pretty quickly. The hard part was relearning what I only half learned for the other position. I'm going to definitely need more practice and to study my notes more.

After I left work, it was still early enough and the buses were still running, so I overshot the bus stops and walked to the Pike Place Market to pick up some delicious things from Mee Sum Pastry and Le Panier, which are both on the outer part of the market so I didn't have to go inside. Everything at both of those places is so amazing! I have stuff to eat tomorrow too.

I took a couple pictures for my pictures of the day.

There was a lot of artwork supporting George Floyd and Black Lives Matter. It was really nice to see.

I got on a 41 to go home, and it ended up being the wrong choice. I should have just overshot it and gone to the 522 bus stop. It had a lot more people, people without masks and ignoring the seats that were taped off to allow for better social distancing. And then the bus driver couldn't find the freeway entrance to get onto I5, so she ended up driving the surface streets through East Lake and all the way to 45th in the U District before she could get on!! It added at least 20 minutes to the bus ride. I finally got home and I was so hot from being so bundled up for so long.

I ate a few of the goodies I'd bought when I got home but the first thing I did before relaxing was take a shower!! Then we got Red Robin for dinner and tried the fish and chips for the first time. It's actually really good! And I got this strawberry lime sparkly drink and it was so delish!

I am really tired, and my brain feels like mush. If you're like me and you've been not working for most or all of this pandemic, be gentle on yourself when you start going back to work. You won't be at the same level when you left. It will take a bit to get back to "normal." We're living in heightened stress while simultaneously not having to use our minds a lot at this time. It's a strange combination. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're really tired for a while.

I did miss watching The Golden Girls this morning...The soonest I might go into the office would be Tuesday, so I'll get to watch on Monday at least...

STFAH: Day 74

Today was a low-key day, I did a little bit of everything. My sudoku puzzle book has gotten into the "demanding" section and I worked on some but it's very slow-going! I also read some more in the Me and White Supremacy book. I got to the part where it'll be one section per day to read and work on, so I might wait till Monday to start that part to be able to do more when it's not the weekend, which is coming up.

I texted with my coworker and we're gonna go into the office tomorrow between 9 and 9:30am and when we finish up, if I need it depending on what's going on with the buses, she offered to drive me home, which is really generous since she's in West Seattle and I'm in Lake City. I have to admit I'm nervous about going there. I haven't taken the bus since all this started and I haven't worked since the middle of March! I hope I haven't forgotten how to do everything, but I'll probably remember pretty quickly once I get started. I just hope I'm able to stay healthy on the bus and able to social distance everywhere I go. The first time back and doing all this during the pandemic still will be the hardest. I'll get the hang of it in the "new" normal.

My day started with Golden Girls, and at lunch I watched several episodes of Dear White People on Netflix. It's such a good series.

The highlight of my day, was finishing writing my chapter. It's taken me this long to write one chapter, and I put off finishing it because I was dreading writing the hunting scene, for various reasons. I finally forced myself to do it and I did it and it's done now! Now I can go back to editing next week.

After finishing the chapter, I went on my walk and I took several pictures.

The crow was supposed to be the picture of the day, but then I ran across these signs as I walked and I couldn't not photograph them! I think they must be leftovers from the little protest I saw getting set up yesterday. Most of them are clearly made by children, which I love to see! Whoever these parents are, they're raising their kids right!

We'll see what happens tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be home in a timely manner for a walk, or not. I don't know if I should call a day I go into work STFAH in a blog post, since I went to work and did not stay at home, so does my day count end with today? I won't be going to work every day, so on those days that I'm home, do I use it again? I'll have to decide that tomorrow. I will still want to write up the days I go to work during the pandemic, so I'll figure something out...!