The Starbucks Red Cup Controversy

One of the big news stories recently, was the "War on Christmas" that some Christians feel Starbucks is waging. The reason? Starbucks has chosen to use a minimal design of two shades of red for their cups this holiday season, without any images or words pertaining to Christmas. This has sent some people off to buy Starbucks coffee in protest, just so they can tell the barista that their name is "Merry Christmas" so that it'll be written on the cup. Take that Starbucks! And also their money...I don't think these people understand how a boycott works, but anyway...I was thinking about it tonight. I can completely understand where these protestors are coming from. I mean, if you read the Bible carefully, you can completely see the connections to Starbucks and the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In fact, I am going to remind you of the connection, by sharing with you, the passage in the Bible that explains it all. It's an oldie, but a goodie, and this is the time of year for us to be reminded of it...

As it is written in the book of Macchiato, chapter ten, verses 8-30:

"And Joseph went to the city of Bethlehem to be taxed by Cafe Americano, taking with him Mary, his wife, for he was of the line of David, and hailed from that city. Mary, his faithful wife, was great with child, making it a treacherous journey for all involved.

Along the way, Joseph stopped at the Starbucks of Bethlehem, on the outskirts of town, and ordered a Gingerbread Latte and steamed milk for Mary, for caffeine was bad for the baby. The long and treacherous trek continued from there, though they were mightily fortified by their drinks.

Once Joseph and Mary arrived in the center of the city of Bethlehem, it was past evening and all the houses and hostels had closed for the night. Joseph pleaded with many of the owners, but to no avail. It was the busy tourist season and there were no empty rooms available. One kindly owner, seeing Mary’s condition, granted them the use of his barn to stay the night.

During this night, the time for Mary’s baby to be born, arrived. Joseph, a carpenter by trade, knew nothing about birthing babies, and was filled with much fear, but also much caffeine, which gave him the energy needed for such a harrowing task.

Off in the distance, in a field, a group of shepherds tended their flocks by night, and they were sore tired, so they traveled, with their sheep, to the Starbucks of Bethlehem and ordered many drinks to stay awake. While there, they heard the cries of Mary all the way from the barn, and inquired what was happening. And lo, the barista of the Lord explained to them about the pregnant woman who had visited earlier that day, and told them where she had been headed. The shepherds were filled with much energy, and had nothing better to do with their time than to seek out Mary and see if the baby was all right, for many complications can arise if proper midwifery is unavailable.

When the shepherds and their flocks arrived at the barn, Mary’s baby, a boy she named Jesus, had been born and placed in a trough filled with hay. The shepherds commented on what an adorable child Jesus was, and how he took after his mother, more than Joseph. Joseph then threw out the shepherds and sent them on their way back to the fields, from whence they had come.

In the middle of the night, three wise kings were traveling from afar, and also did stop at the Starbucks of Bethlehem, for they had seen a lit billboard from many leagues away guiding them to the only 24 hour Starbucks in all the land. The shepherds had passed by on their way back to the fields and informed the barista of the Lord about the birth of Mary’s son, Jesus. As the barista of the Lord prepared drinks for the three wise kings, he told them of the interesting news, and the wise kings decided to buy some presents for the child’s parents, for they were wise, and knew that many sleepless nights awaited them.

And so, the three wise kings, having been given directions by the barista of the Lord, traveled to the barn and knocked on the door. Joseph opened the door for them and the three wise kings entered the barn and presented their gifts to the family. Gifts of green tea, caramel Frappuccino, and peppermint mocha were much appreciated by the new parents, who promised to use them well. And use them well they did, for Jesus, like all babies, cried many hours of the night, and Joseph and Mary were very grateful for the gifts the three wise kings had bestowed upon them."

So, as you can see, those protestors are absolutely right to be outraged that their Starbucks cups are not adorned with snowflakes and Santa hats this year. It's just an absolute travesty. So, let us all visit our local Starbucks, every day between now and New Year's Day, and give them what for. That'll teach them! We need to remember to stop taking the Starbucks out of Christmas!