Intent vs. Impact
“I didn’t mean to be racist.” “That’s not how I meant it.” “You’re just misunderstanding me.” “Why are you being so mean to me?” These are things we have all said when confronted with our racism. If we didn’t mean it to be racist, then there’s no reason to be called out or need to make amends or change our thoughts and behavior. It’s not actually our fault, right? People are just being too sensitive and need to take the time to understand where we are coming from. Right? Wrong.
What we intend when we act or speak doesn’t matter much when the impact is has on the target is hurtful or harmful. That we didn’t mean to hurt somebody doesn’t change the fact that we hurt somebody.
When we try to excuse away our racism, we are being defensive when we are in the wrong and should be more concerned with who we offended or hurt. Does it usually make you feel better when somebody hurts you and then tells you they didn’t mean to? Then why do we do this to others?
When we do or say something racist and are called out for it, just try an actual apology and do better the next time. We aren’t owed forgiveness or absolution from the one we offended. Just take in the information, sit with our feelings, and really contemplate where we went wrong and vow to do better. And then do better.
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